Looking Forward

It has been quite an adventure that I have come to learn to live with hypersexuality because there has been insurmountable fences and even some aids if one is able to take a moment to learn the trick. It is however something that I can say with conviction has taken its rightful position in my life, not without some steep learning curve. I know that I am ready to do just that and so I would like to tell my own story as probably there is someone out there who is lost and alone in this struggle.

It would be fair to say that I was about ten when I began to understand that my fantasies or rather what I was seeing in real life was more than what other ordinary children’s fantasies and what they experience – fantasies of psycho’s most likely.  Now I know that such a thing did not exist, it was more of a thing that lasted from waking to sleeping. At first, I began to look at it as just a particular character trait – this elevated sexuality that I possess is what makes me unique. But day by day, this particular notion began to wheeled away.

Most of the time, these desires seem to be out of control. Events would be like tsunami waves sweeping over her but no dam sits there: dialogues, reinterpretation of a song’s words, the scenes of the movies, women, nothing was spared. The same space has suddenly made it quite impossible; attention to work, to relations, and even to primary needs disappeared as these suffocating thoughts took over. I felt like I was confined inside a prison in this case my mind was the prison.

It was only at rock bottom that I then realized that there was a deficiency that would require built assistance. For instance, asking for assistance in the form of counseling would probably be the most challenging endeavor that I have attempted. Just the act of stepping your foot inside that office of the therapist was quite daunting. On the other hand, I do realize that I cannot continue with such a life. My therapist helped me better myself by treating hypersexuality not as a problem, but as one of the aspects that can be contained or even loved.

Through therapy, I have begun to address the core issues and emotions – the ‘why behind the ‘what’ – that led to hypersexuality in the first place. It appraised me that hypersexuality may also be a way out to some people because of either stress or loneliness or simply something that they do not want to deal with. Thus, educating myself in this particular way was emotionally painful but also gratifying, as well as inspiring since I was ready to focus on the comprehensive problems and not only their manifestations.

The ability to self-regulate my triggers is one of the key skills of Counseling that I have acquired so far. To know what causes most, if not all, of these inclinations has been essential in learning how to suppress them. During these episodes, I have used some of the mindfulness aspects that I have learned and incorporated in the rehabilitation program to help center myself. This is doing quite a few things such as deep filling, journal writing, running, yoga, and other forms of exercises.

Building a support system is one element of this process in which I have found it very helpful. I explained to my close ones what I had been through and how they were supportive and understanding. For a couple of weeks, it is indeed of great help to have people who are interested in me and would really want to talk.

It should be said, though, that this is a long process. Most likely every week brings some achievements, although there are also weeks when the cravings are worse than most. For instance, I have accepted such facts like the fact that recovery is something that takes time and effort. Every day is a new day with its own joys and uniqueness – new hurdles to conquer and new laurels to be won.

Hypersexuality as a lifestyle is and will always be part of me, but I do not see this as the only aspect of purpose. At the moment I am beginning to learn how to navigate within a larger scope of self-efficacy and self-regulation. For several of you reading it and finding yourself in this situation, it is ok to seek help. Help is available. You do not have to face this alone, and there is hope, a more, balanced and healthier you on the other side. That is, we can remove the walls of embarrassment and support each other on this journey.